Autism families navigate inclusion gap, social isolation
Parents of children on the spectrum say schools include them in policy, but peers sometimes fall short, creating painful social barriers.
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Celeste Constantineau remembers preparing her six-year-old daughter Evelyn Zanivan for after-school events at St. James Catholic School in Kanata. Before each gathering, she would sit down with Evelyn — diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder at age two — to discuss the energy level, sound intensity, and crowd size she would encounter.
At a recent school event, Constantineau was struck by a painful realization: while the school staff worked hard to be inclusive, some parents were not. "It struck me how different the school staff treats us, versus the parents," she said. "A lot of people push for inclusion until behaviours are overwhelming and inconvenient."
Constantineau, who is also on the autism spectrum, has often avoided social settings that risked psychological harm for herself and her daughter. But that choice carries its own cost — a niche type of social isolation most parents don't understand.
Emily Jenkinson, an educational assistant at Phoenix Private Academic in Ottawa who works with more than 40 students on the spectrum, said parents of children with special needs sometimes fear putting their children in social settings. "They are afraid that their kid would get picked on," she said. "And those fears are a valid concern."
But Jenkinson said exposure matters. "When neurotypical kids are exposed to kids with special needs, then they learn how to interact with them. It's not a big thing, it's not a big deal. And it's fine." She added that parents benefit from seeing their children interact with peers on the spectrum.
Jenkinson said she has sometimes needed to intervene with people staring or making comments. "I've had to have a conversation with some people who stare and look, and had to say, 'Hey, our kids have some special needs, you can mind your own business, there's no need to talk about them while they're right here. They can hear you and they can understand you.' It is unfortunate that those conversations are needed, but that in the long run they are important because exposing the world..." she said, trailing off as she described the impact of normalizing neurodiversity.